Article
Healthy Personal Rhythms for the Pastor’s Wife
It took less than five years of ministry for me to replace nearly every spiritual discipline with worry, busyness, and productivity. My lifestyle slowly destroyed me, my health, and my faith, and it took a decade for me to recover and re-educate myself regarding healthy personal rhythms.
How did I get there?
Like the proverbial frog in a pot of water being brought to a boil, a frantic pace nudged me closer and closer to the edge of a spiritual cliff. The movement was imperceptible, but my progressively disproportionate reactions to stress were not. A growing inability to cope with life should have been my first clue that something was not right in my soul.
A growing inability to cope with life should have been my first clue that something was not right in my soul.
But I kept pushing forward, scheduling meetings, shorting God, praying less, and doing more, blind to the shift that had taken place in my heart. I worked hard to please people, leaving me with little energy for actual life-giving activities. The busier I became, the more burdensome spiritual disciplines felt. I danced on the edge of that cliff, too arrogant to see how close I was to toppling over.
How did I get out?
When my husband and I left that ministry, I brought the harmful patterns I’d formed with me. I did not know how sick my soul had become until I struggled to answer a question about how God was guiding me through our exit. I wasn’t just dancing close to the precipice, but I had fallen over head first.
Twenty years later, I am still learning what it means to depend on God’s strength for each day. In those early days of recovery, I spoke with other pastors’ wives and sought wisdom.
I worked hard to please people, leaving me with little energy for actual life-giving activities.
We took a break from vocational ministry and spent a season receiving from the Lord through a local church that loved us well. I began to see how pride had driven me to replace life-giving interactions with the Lord with the thoughts and opinions of others. The ministry needs me; I thought. It’s what a pastor’s wife does; I thought. If I just do it right, everyone will be happy. This drive for approval failed to evaluate the pace or health of my choices. It led to my downfall—and that is on me.
No one can pursue the Lord for me, care for my family, health, or faith. I decide if I will respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
No one can pursue the Lord for me, care for my family, health, or faith. I decide if I will respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I decide if I will listen to the Holy Spirit and pursue a healthy spiritual life. No one forces us to prioritize God. We choose what will be the most important activities in our days. We decide where we will invest our time.
Where am I now?
Today, I praise the Lord because, although I am not beyond falling back into foolish patterns, I’m maintaining healthier spiritual rhythms. I’ve learned the joy that comes from recognizing I need God, not just as gas to fuel my tank, but as oxygen to fill my lungs. If I gain the world but lose God, I’ve lost everything.
I know myself. I am weak and prone to wander, and I need God to reset my center frequently. That means my time with the Lord matters more than anything else I do in a day. My thoughts about God, myself, priorities, and responsibilities are continually re-examined to ensure my lived-out theology matches my claims. Maintaining a better perspective has required inviting insight from friends.
Recognizing, embracing, and modeling a respect for this boundary doesn’t make us weak; it makes us strong.
It has included delegating more and trusting others. It has required saying no and learning to say it without shame or apology.
I’m still learning about what refreshes me, but more importantly, I’ve learned who God has created me to be, and I aim to live within the limits He has prescribed. God has given every person a capacity. You and I have limits because we are not God. He has created us as dependent creatures who need Him. Recognizing, embracing, and modeling a respect for this boundary doesn’t make us weak; it makes us strong. And in the end, the ministries and people we love belong to God. He will accomplish His plans. The best thing we can do for the people we love is live a life that models healthy spiritual choices and prioritizes the Lord.